Sesshomaru-Inuyasha BIA: Chapter 30

Sesshomaru & Inuyasha: Brothers in Arms
Sesshomaru & Inuyasha: Kyōdai de Busō

章 30--対決
Shō  30--Taiketsu
Chapter 30—Confrontation

Inuyasha had barely managed to hide himself before Hidenka Akatsuki had exited the room. He watched stealthily as she retreated. Her steps seemed slow and uncommitted; her head turned down as if in dejection. He seemed to recall seeing some form of that look so many times before; from Kikyo; from Sango, from Kagome; from his mother. He didn't like it then, and he couldn't say he liked it anymore now. The hidenka looked like someone who was trapped, and Inuyasha couldn't help but wonder if her problem was his fault.

Sesshomaru had said he was indebted to her because he had allowed her to accompany him outside the western lands, and she had been injured while assisting him. But the truth of it was that she'd been injured while restoring his life. Sesshomaru also said it was his obligation to become her protector. He'd said it was youkai custom to repay a debt in that manner. But was that her understanding as well? Inuyasha wondered as he watched her turn the corner toward the western wing of the castle.

Sure, it might be youkai custom, but what if a youkai didn't wish to honor it? He had never really known anything about youkai obligation, but he didn't know anything about the Suzaku clan either. Sesshomaru had said they were reclusive. What if they preferred to follow their own rules? What if that's why they secluded themselves? From what he saw, Hidenka Akatsuki seemed to be a calm natured youkai; he couldn't exactly say the same about his brother. Sesshomaru had never been the easiest person he knew to get along with, maybe the hidenka felt the same way. But then, what if she just didn't want his brother to become her protector? What if she already had someone whom she preferred over him? Did Sesshomaru even try to find out? What if he just didn't care?

Love is generally a human desire. It is not required for youkai.

But even worst, what if Sesshomaru was... wrong? What if she was a youkai that loved? What if she was already ... in love? Was this his fault? Was he responsible for the hidenka being in a position she apparently didn't seem to want to be in?

Damn, Inuyasha, cursed silently to himself. He really hated thinking, but there seemed to be little else to do around his brother. Sesshomaru seemed to love spending his time thinking, but maybe that youkai just didn't waste time thinking about anything that didn't go exactly how he wanted it to go. Maybe it was up to him to be his brother's voice of reason, even if he didn't want to be, or even if Sesshomaru didn't want him to be.

Not quite sure where he found the courage, Inuyasha re-entered the large living area. He knew that his youkai lord brother had probably already scented him outside anyway. The last thing he needed was for Sesshomaru to think he'd eavesdropped on his conversation, then simply ran off. "You can't just keep her locked up here, you know," Inuyasha offered to Sesshomaru's back.

After Hidenka Akatsuki had exited, Sesshomaru had strolled toward the window and looked out at the evening sky; a habit he'd grown accustomed to during his travels. It afforded him the opportunity to think without being distracted by his surroundings.

"I do not recall asking for your opinion."

"Hanyou!"

Sesshomaru shot a not too pleased narrowed-eyed glance across his shoulder. "What?"

"Hanyou," Inuyasha restated. "You left that part off," he said matter-of-factly.

"Are we starting this again?" Sesshomaru shot back, facing the hanyou full on. Every time he thought he had gleaned insight into his thoughts or actions, the hanyou developed some new way to prove him wrong. He could not help but wonder if Inuyasha truly got some kind of sadistic pleasure by playing with him. Had he forgotten so soon, that he was not a youkai who would be played with?

"Starting again?! It never stopped," Inuyasha whelped. "Even when you don't say it, you're thinking it," he barked angrily. He wasn't even sure what he was angry about. But was this anger for his sake or for the hidenka's? He wasn't really angry at Sesshomaru anymore was he? These past two weeks in the castle with his brother had turned out better than he would have imagined. While the hidenka slept and after he'd trained Rin, Sesshomaru had actually started training him in the art of Kenjutsu fighting and he'd learned a lot from him in just a couple of days. And even though Sesshomaru had spent a lot of time with the hidenka, he had also spent a lot of time with him and the others and he really seemed like he wanted him to be his general. In fact, he planned to begin their search for youkai guards by the end of the week.

"Why does it offend you to be called a hanyou," Sesshomaru wanted to know; studying him with an intense glare. That was the side of the hanyou he disliked most; from the way he allowed those humans to treat him; to his own self-deprecating opinion of himself. Would he ever learn what it meant to be the son of a daiyoukai? "A hanyou is what you are. You need to learn to be proud of who and what you are."

"You're always telling me that, but every time I hear that word come out of your mouth, it sounds a lot like 'filthy hanyou'," Inuyasha said with a steadfast defiance. If there was any way for them to get past their issues, he needed to stand up to his brother, especially when he believed that Sesshomaru might be... wrong. "That's 'cause you don't know how to talk to people Sesshomaru," Inuyasha said under a darkly narrowing gaze, there was no doubt his brother's pride had been wounded. "I know I'm not great at it either," he added quickly, realizing he might be treading dangerous ground and not wanting Sesshomaru to think he did not respect him; but more importantly, not wanting a steel-like fist connecting with his face, or those poison claws entering his neck. "But I think I know when I'm doing something wrong."

"Do you now? Are you implying that I do not?" Sesshomaru asked clearly displeased, his eyes narrowing to a threatening glare.

"Well," Inuyasha said quickly, certain that his brother's fist would be on its way shortly; "Sometimes you do act like you don't have a clue."

"About what? How have I offended you now?" Sesshomaru inquired without making any effort to conceal his exasperation. He was growing weary of this game his brother seemed insistent upon playing. He also could not help but think that some of his own inner frustration might be rooted in Akatsuki's words to him. Did she really think that a daiyoukai such as himself, the lord of the western and now southern territories would run from his obligation?

"Not me, it's what you just did to Hidenka Akatsuki," Inuyasha said looking away. His brother's angry glare was too intense to bear. "You can't make her stay here if she doesn't want to. You can't just make people bow to your will the way Jaken does." He said, looking into Sesshomaru's face again.

The youkai lord's emotions ranged from a furious anger and lingered for a while before settling to something just short of annoyance, as he tried to temper his emotions while listening to his brother's words.

"Inuyasha, I have told you," Sesshomaru began with a wearied tone in his voice. "You know nothing about youkai or their customs." He was simply doing what was expected of him, was he not? Despite the level of confusion that possessed him of late, whether he was certain he wanted to, he would undoubtedly accept his obligation and Akatsuki would expect nothing less. He could not simply allow her to return to her clan without an understanding between them. "Were you not the one who came here to Edera's castle, yet you knew nothing about her?"

"Yeah, maybe I did," Inuyasha responded somberly; but that didn't necessarily make him wrong about this, did it? He hadn't forgotten that if he hadn't done that, no one would be in a position they didn't want to be in. Sesshomaru had said he didn't care about the hidenka, but he was a proud youkai who would do whatever was required to maintain his pride. The hidenka had just left with an attitude that seemed like she would prefer to be on her own. Maybe that's why he was so angry; not at Sesshomaru, but at himself. If he hadn't been so quick to help a youkai he knew nothing about, none of them would be here now.

He didn't know how, but Inuyasha did know he had to figure out a way to tell his brother what he thought he needed to know. He was not a great thinker, but he knew Sesshomaru was a proud youkai lord that would not want to be indebted to anyone. But Sesshomaru didn't seem to realize what Hidenka Akatsuki, herself, had told him in her own words. 'You are not indebted to me'. Or worst, maybe he just didn't care. Maybe he just refused to be let off the hook, because he thought that might be demeaning to him. And that was something he knew he could never accept.

Taking a deep breath, Inuyasha decided to continue nonetheless. "Sesshomaru, you saved my life several times," the hanyou paced absently about the room.

"And?"

Inuyasha came to a complete stop and eyed his brother boldly. "And I want to know what you want for payment."

"I did not ask for payment," Sesshomaru responded, his voice just as defiant as Inuyasha's gaze. Where was he going now?

"No, you didn't," Inuyasha retorted with determination. He had to do this, he told himself. Sesshomaru wasn't simply attacking him anymore; not since before he'd killed Princess Edera. So if he could just get him to listen, maybe they could truly begin to relate as brothers; but the first thing was for them to learn to really communicate with each other. "But you must want it, right? Even though I'm a hanyou, isn't it my obligation to repay a debt, too? So I'm just asking, what do you want."

Sesshomaru lowered his head and breathed deeply. "I do not require payment."

"So what does that mean? I'm too weak to offer any value to a youkai lord like you, or is it just that I'm truly not indebted to you?" Inuyasha eyed him suspiciously. "Why not? Is that because I'm just a hanyou and I don't count?"

Sesshomaru fought the urge to sigh. Even when the hanyou called himself that, he did it in a manner that displayed no pride. The youkai lord was beginning to wonder if his efforts to help instill pride in him meant he was simply fighting a losing battle. "We are kin. If I did not wish to save you, Inuyasha, I would not have."

"So then what? You saved me because what? You felt sorry for me?"

"I saved you because I made a vow to myself that I would not break."

"So what? Would our oyaji have been obligated to pay you back if you did the same thing for him?" Inuyasha demanded, his anger rising steadily. "But me; I'm not worthy of fulfilling youkai rules like anyone else?"

Sesshomaru peered deep into his younger brother's eyes, studying him intently. He believed he now understood where the hanyou was headed with this uncustomary confrontation. "Contrary to what you might believe, I am not dense Inuyasha," he said, his tone steady and even. "I know what Hidenka Akatsuki said." But she was simply trying to provide this daiyoukai a graceful exit, was she not? But he was not certain it was an exit he wanted to take. He knew not why, but there was something about her that intrigued him in some way.

"And?"

"And she is a Suzaku youkai."

"What does that mean?"

"The Suzaku clan has secluded themselves for thousands of years."

"You said that before, but what does that mean? Why did they do that?"

"Because they are not warriors, and I am."

"So you think she doesn't want you to be her protector because she's afraid of you or something?"

"In truth I am uncertain, but that is possible," the youkai lord conceded. She had likely sensed much of his hatred and intolerances when she had initially sensed his heart's intent. There was likely much he would have to do to eliminate her possible concerns.

"So what now?"

"So I am a youkai lord. She is a youkai hidenka," Sesshomaru said, convinced that his younger brother had misinterpreted the entire conversation, which he had no business listening to anyway. But as he vowed to himself, he would try to explain their ways to him. "My acts nearly cost her life. I must protect her regardless of her protests. I cannot have her return to the Suzaku compound without an agreement between us. It would not be respectful to back out of an obligation. You may consider it an unwritten youkai law. Whatever she wishes as her payment for nearly dying while assisting me, whether she wishes only a protector or even if she desires a mate, I will comply. I know my obligations, and I will fulfill them; I will not dishonor her."

Inuyasha finally understood how proud his brother truly was. His demeanor now was so much different than it was that first time he had told him about his likely obligation. Now, he could see he had clearly resigned himself to his fate, whatever that might be. But still he hadn't really mentioned anything about what the hidenka might really want. Had he not even considered her? He remembered when Miroku had simply thought about himself, and never even considered Sango's feelings. And he, himself, had only considered his need to be with Kikyo and had never even thought about Kagome when he'd left her alone. Was that what Sesshomaru was doing now? Thinking about his own honor and not about the hidenka at all? If so, Inuyasha knew he might get a fist in the face for this, but he decided there was no other way around it. Maybe he knew these things because of his mother. Maybe he knew it because of his friends. It didn't matter. He just knew it was something he had to tell his big brother.

"Sesshomaru, can you hear me out for a minute?" Inuyasha asked unsure whether what he was about to say would finally end his life tonight or not, but Sesshomaru had helped him several times, maybe he could help him now. Because of the lives they had both lived, he might know a little more about this kind of thing than Sesshomaru did. Even if he didn't know much, if there was any way he could help his brother, he wanted to try. In a way, he could look at it like he was paying down on his debt to him. It was a long way away from what Sesshomaru had done for him, but for now, this was really the only thing he had to offer.

Inuyasha moved toward the sofa, took a seat, and folded his legs beneath himself. "Sesshomaru, you said love is not required for two youkai to form a match."

"It is not."

"But it does happen," Inuyasha puzzled. "I mean youkai could want love couldn't they?" he asked, his eyes taking on a look of deep contemplation. "Or is it always just about situations, circumstances or forming power relations?"

"It is unlikely that two youkai would require love or even desire it, but anything can happen," the youkai lord conceded. "Usually though, it is based more on a mutual respect than what you know as love," Sesshomaru answered freely, accepting his resolve to explain the youkai way of life to his younger brother as had been his intent when having him join him. Of course, there was no way he could admit that there was a turmoil growing inside of him and he knew it had a lot to do with Akatsuki. That he, himself, was puzzled by the intensity of what he felt for her; and he could not help but wonder if what he felt might be... love. That was too unsettling for him to fully acknowledge even to himself. He had acknowledged that he had cared for Kagura, but he had never loved anyone or anything. He had never considered love necessary. How could he tell the hanyou that he had thoughts that he had never before considered a possibility in all his life? There had never been a need to speak of his internal confusion. He had either been accepted, or he was not. If he was not, he had not previously cared.

"But it is not unheard of?" the hanyou said with great interest.

"Why are we discussing this?" Sesshomaru asked suspecting a deeper reason behind the question than simple curiosity, but as was his custom the hanyou rarely spoke freely.

"Because I think you're wrong about your female friend."

"In what manner?"

"I don't think she wants her debt repaid the way you want to repay it."

"Ridiculous." That was youkai custom.

"Probably, but since I'm just making a guess here, I don't know what you really feel for her, maybe you don't know either," Inuyasha said noticing an uncomfortable glint in his brother's eyes. Was he right? Did Sesshomaru really care for the hidenka? Was he refusing to let her go because he wasn't sure himself? He had spent a lot of time at her bedside taking care of her. "Maybe you're trying to figure that out, yourself; maybe you just need time," Inuyasha added finally. Sesshomaru had taken care of him, and things seemed to have changed after that. Had he actually...? "Hell, maybe I've got it all wrong; I don't know," Inuyasha wasn't sure if maybe he was overstepping his ground. Did he have any right to interject himself into Sesshomaru's issues, he wondered as he rose from the sofa and strolled aimlessly about the room. After a couple of minutes, he stopped and turned toward his older brother who studied him with his usual narrowed glare; but at least, he seemed to be listening. Maybe he should just say it.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this; especially not from me," he said looking uncertainly into his brother's eyes. Despite his earlier request to be heard, he was surprised that poisoned claws were not already squeezing the life out of his throat. "But if you want her to stay, just ask her. Don't order her. Don't try to make her. You can't just order or make people do what you want, Sesshomaru; whether you're a youkai lord or not. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in youkai customs. She is a hidenka, isn't she? Doesn't she have any rights?"

"Her rights," Sesshomaru repeated with surprise. "But she is a youkai above all."

"So what does that mean? No?"

"Of course she has rights. But youkai obligations supersede individual rights."

"Is that why she's so sad now?"

"Sad?" Sesshomaru repeated with genuine surprise. What made the hanyou think Akatsuki was sad?

"Yeah, I get the feeling she's pretty sad right about now."

"And I suppose you have this belief because of all the hours you've spent communicating with her, and learning her character, is that correct?"

Inuyasha hesitated for a moment. "You know, it's funny you should say that, because..." he paused again as he reflected on something he had not previously realized.

"Because..." Sesshomaru waited.

"I don't know her," the hanyou hesitated as he searched his thoughts. "But I feel like I should. No," he tilted his head in puzzlement. "I don't know why, but I feel like I do. For some reason, I do feel like I know her; like I've known her for a long time. Like," he hesitated again, as he continued to search through his thoughts.

Sesshomaru studied him. Was the hanyou going to say...

"I feel like I do know her, or I guess like I know her sadness at least, but I'd be damned if I know how. It's not like I know anything else about her, but I almost feel like I should," Inuyasha trekked back toward the sofa and slumped against it as he threw his arms up behind his head to rest on them. "It's like she's a big sister or something," he said confusedly. "Anyway she seems kind of like someone whose been looking over me for a long time. Granted, other than tonight, I really haven't even spoken to her, but..."

Sesshomaru tensed at this knowledge. Was there more to the connection Akatsuki had shared with the hanyou over the years than he had previously thought?

"I don't know, but isn't that kind of funny," Inuyasha looked up at his brother.

Sesshomaru did not respond; he simply stared at him in wide-eyed disbelief. Not only had Akatsuki not mentioned such a possibility, he had never even considered it. He could not exactly say he liked the thought that the hanyou may well know more about Akatsuki than he did.